Little Black Dress Update

Yeah!  I have finally solved my formal attire dilemma and I wanted to pass some information along.  I ended up going with bridesmaid separates from Allyse's Bridal in the University Mall in Orem, Utah.  I happened to be going through Utah Valley on leave and found what I was looking for.  You can find all of their products on http://www.beautifullymodest.com/, but it is worth it to order it from Allyse's as they offer a 15% military discount.  So even if you won't be anywhere near Utah for a very long time.  Check out what they have online and then give the Orem store a call and see what they can do for you.  

Get School Paid For!

I love the statement by President Hinkley when he said to get all of the education you can.  In today's world we never know when our spouses might be atrited or something worse.  As spouses, we need to be prepared to help out financially in our families.  While it may not be the ideal situation in a gospel sense, for more and more of us, having a good paying job is becoming a necessity.  

We all know about the GI Bill and the other options there are for our spouses to get an education, but did you know there is a Department of Defense program for you too?  You can get up to $6000 towards a degree or certificate in careers that are especially portable; a must for military spouses.  Many of the programs are on-line, making it easier for spouses who are caring for young children.  There is information about this program, the military spouse career advancement account, at Military OneSource.  This program is open to all active duty spouses and the spouses of activated reservists and national guard members.

Additionally, there are many scholarship programs out there just for military spouses.  So be the best you can be, by being prepared for whatever gets thrown your way, by having a career you can count on.

Get A Job!

So this is the thing I hate the most about the military, okay maybe not the most, I hate it most when they take my spouse away for long periods (or short periods) of time.  But this is a close second; finding a new job with each new move.  Even if you are a full-time mom, the thought has to have crossed your mind, how on earth would you get a job if you had too.  You probably live thousands of miles from the last place you held a job, you have been out of work for a while, and you aren't even sure what skills you have any more.

Your post has resources you may not know about.  All installations have someone who is there just to help with spouse employment.  They aren't random people off the street; these are people with degrees in human resources who have been trained in how to help resumes, train you for interviews, and help you to figure out what your next step should be.  I went in to our local center to get some help with my resume.  I have no consistency in my resume and my experience is all over the place, and I was starting to work from home as a contractor part-time, but I wanted an additional job, and I had no idea how I should be presenting myself to employers.  The person there sat down with me and for three hours, told me how to stress my strengths and rewrite my resume to show my best side and minimize some of the things I didn't want to be glaringly obvious.  

So if you are thinking about or having to find a job, make the spouse career center the first stop.  In additional to help with resumes and interviewing, they also have job lists from all around the local area and can help you with the contacts that will help you to get the job!

Thoughts on Security

We all know there are bad guys out there, and in some vague, very out there sense, they intend us harm, but that doesn't mean us in the me, myself personally way, right?  I don't want to make anyone paranoid or freak them out, that is not my point.  Rather, I hope you will think about the things you do, what your spouse does, and ways you can make your family more secure.

The first area you should think about is your internet footprint.  How easy is it for someone to find out information about you?  Recently someone called my spouse because they were moving into our ward and needed some help moving.  Using just this guy's name, and the fact that he had an "801" area code phone, I found him, some of his Army buddies, found out where he did his training, what his wife's name is, saw pictures of his family, and I know his wife is pregnant.  Blogs are a wonderful way to share information with family and friends especially when you are stationed far from home, or your spouse is deployed.  But they are also a great way for people who would do you harm (and not just terrorist, but con artists, identity thieves, child molesters, you name it) to find out tons of information about you.  That does not mean you have to stop blogging, just make your blog private or use only initials and don't say where you are.  Same thing with social networking sites.  They can be a great way to keep in touch, but think about ways you can limit you and your family's exposure.  For work I have often been tasked with finding contact information for different people.  I am always amazed at how easy it is with little more than a name to find the person and all sorts of information about them.  So think about limiting your family's internet footprint.  Try googling your names and see what pops up.  And take steps to cut out some of that exposure.

My other area of concern is don't relax just because you live on base or are stationed in a small town.  We currently live on post and the family next to us never locks their doors.  The car doors are always unlocked.  This might just be some big city paranoia coming out, but lock your doors.  Creepy people can get on base and more and more housing areas are becoming unrestricted, so anyone can come on.  I recently heard of a teenage girl's party being held at a military housing community center was crashed by a number of local gang members who read about the party on  a social networking site.  The housing area was open and the gang members walked on unrestricted until they got in a fight and shots were fired.

So don't be scared, be smart.  Review your family's footprint.  And don't stop being cautious, just because you live on post.

Bedtime Stories

If you are facing a deployment or other extended period apart from your spouse, bedtime stories are a great way to keep the family close.  Have the deploying spouse begin reading some of your family's favorite stories to the video camera.  Continue this practice up until the spouse leaves.  Then you will have a whole video to play for your kids at bedtime.  This can be an important link between the deploying parent and kids, even when the children are too small to even remember the deployment.  Send a video camera, laptop with webcam, or camera that can take video with your spouse so they will be able to make videos while they are away.  It makes a huge difference for the kids (and you) if you can see where they are working and living and some of the things they do during the day. 

Videos should also be a two way street.  Video tape FHE, and other events for your spouse.  If you children are old enough to read, have them read or write stories and then record them reading them.  Birthdays and holidays are a good events to try to include your spouse via video.

No matter how you slice it, deployment is a rough time for everyone.  I know for me, being honest with my spouse about what I needed, snail mail letters in addition to regular emails, and pictures, really helped me to get through it.  

Update: Little Black Dress

I am so grateful to everyone and their ideas for where to get dresses for formal military occasions that are modest, modern, and not a bridesmaid or prom dress.  I thought I would pass along another one that I found, Shabby Apple.  www.shabbyapple.com  Like a lot of the sites you suggested, they don't have a huge selection, but if you are looking for a little black dress that would work for a variety of semi-formal to formal events, she has some good stuff.  She also has maternity dresses and doesn't charge for shipping if you are exchanging a dress because it is the wrong size!  Some of the other retailers that were also suggested and have some great stuff include, MikaRose, Sydneys Closet, and big department stores if you happen to be in the intermountain west.

Resources You May Not Know You Have

There are so many great resources out there for military families, but I want to highlight one, that you might not think of, yet has been involved with helping military families since its inception, the Red Cross.  Most people think of the Red Cross for their work in blood collection, first aid classes, or disaster relief, but if your spouse or loved one is deployed or off on training where it is difficult to contact them, the Red Cross is set up to get a message to that service member if there has been a death or other family emergency.

Beyond that, they can offer confidential counseling, financial aid, and their website has some great checklists and reminders of what to expect as a spouse during deployment and when they come home (which can be almost as rough if you aren't prepared.)

Additionally, the Red Cross is a great organization to get involved with and volunteer.  I had the opportunity before I was married to act as a Red Cross volunteer in Mississippi after Hurricane Katrina.  It was an amazing experience that changed my life, but you don't have to go half way around the country to have service opportunities.  Most Red Cross offices rely on their local volunteers to make their offices run, so if you are looking for a way to serve an organization that serves you, look into the Red Cross.

Book Review: Three Cups of Tea

Many of our spouses have spent time in Iraq or Afghanistan, and in the coming years, many of them will probably return.  So much of the news is that comes out of that region of the world is so incredibly horrible, American casualties, civilian casualties, insurgency, civil war that it becomes very difficult to remember the people our spouses and our country are doing this for.

The book Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson is an amazing chronicle of a former mountaineer's work to build schools for the children, and especially the girls of rural Afghanistan and Pakistan.  On his descent after a failed attempt at climbing K2, the second highest mountain in the world, Greg Mortenson became separated from the rest of his party in the Pakistani wilderness.  He stumbles upon a very small poverty stricken village where he is fellowshipped, feed, and nursed back to health.  While there, the village leader shows him their school where the children are huddled underneath a tree, using sticks to write in the dirt.  Their teacher is away teaching at another village, and so they come to work on their lessons anyway.  Mortenson becomes determined to build a school to serve these children and improve the quality of life for the entire village.  Over the next ten years, he has managed not only to build one school, but over fifty-five and a number of other projects including fresh water and vocational centers.  His story is inspiring, but it also gave me a totally new perspective on Islam, and how keeping promises can combat hate.  I know many of our spouses have the same opportunities to show the communities they serve in the Middle East, that we do want to make their lives better, and even though we maybe be infidels, we can show that we are all brothers and sisters.

If you'd like more information about Mortenson's Central Asia Institute, please visit their website.

Moving, Stuff, and Food Storage Ideas

We moved to our current duty station 6 months ago from a tiny 500 square foot apartment with the plan, goal and determination, that our stuff would not expand with a bigger place.  I was looking in our closets the other day, and I was floored.  Where did all this stuff come from?  How did we get so much stuff?  I usually have this reaction right before a move, but I have decided to institute a new plan to help us control our "stuff" before it becomes a moving nightmare.  This is not an idea I came up with but the plan is, birthdays are for getting, half birthdays are for giving.  So we are going to start with my half birthday since it comes up first, I am going to go through my closets, and some of my other stuff, and get rid of it, donate it to Goodwill and not get more.  I figure our 6 month anniversary will be a good time to go through family stuff and try to figure out what family stuff needs to be purged.

Also on a moving note... Crate moves.  I haven't had to do this yet since our only move has been a ditty move, but it is my understanding that a crate move is the way to go.  This is where they bring giant wooden crates, kind of like PODS, on a flat bed truck, the movers fill them up with your stuff and then they ship the crates to your new duty station. If you are moving to or from OCONUS, you will automatically get a crate move, but even if you are moving within CONUS, you can request a crate move.  The reason this is better is that in a regular move, your stuff is put on a truck, taken to a warehouse, put on another truck, taken to another warehouse, sometimes several times before it gets to you.  That is so many more opportunities for things to get broken, lost, damaged.  So it is something to think about when your next orders come.

Finally, food storage.  Food storage  is difficult with moving all the time and weight limits for rank, but this is an idea that I got from my in-laws that can make at least canned goods food storage easier to deal with.  At the holidays when all of the food banks are doing their food drives, you purge all of the canned food you have (except for what you are going to use up in that next month.)  Then in January when grocery stores and the commissary often have case lot sales, you buy what you will need for the coming year.  And then you just repeat the cycle.  I know that a lot of us don't have the room or the money for a year's worth of corn and peaches.  The nice thing about buying cases is they fit really well under beds and they are easy to stack in closets.  One thing you can try to make it easier to handle the cost is to take $5 out of your grocery money every week and save it for this purpose.  If you can save $5 a week for a year, you will have $260 saved up for canned goods.  If you will be moving soon, only buy 6 months or 3 months and save the rest of the money to stock up when you reach your new post.  Another idea would be to use when you should be getting new orders as your purge - buy new stuff, point.  If you know you have orders for two years at a certain duty station and you will (assuming things don't change which they probably will) be moving sometime in April, then choose April to be the time you are finishing up the food you have and donating what is left.

I'd love to hear any ideas or comments you have on these things!

Holiday Traditions

First off, a huge apology for being such a slacker.  I don't even have a good excuse, I have been off work, haven't really been traveling, only sort of had family in town.  But my new year's resolution is to do better about blogging!

So on to holiday traditions.  Without children and only having been married for a couple of years, holidays have been fun, but we haven't really figured out what our holiday traditions are.  This year we had my spouse's sister and her family stay with us over Christmas and it was fun to start figuring out some traditions.  And we finally have a real house to decorate, so that added to the fun.

We figured out a traditional Christmas morning breakfast, and that we like to do the big dinner on Christmas Eve and then do the Christmas story.  Open presents on Christmas morning and then do stockings on Christmas night.

So what traditions do you have?  How have you made them work with different moves and deployments? 

Have you found...

My search for a modest formal dress to wear to military functions is beginning and my outlook is not at all rosy on the prospect.  Has anyone found a site or retailer who has garment friendly formal dresses that don't scream prom dresses, bridesmaid dress, or mother of the bride dresses?  In the past I have used a sweater skirt combo, but hubby doesn't think it quite works.  He also thinks this should be a relatively easy task.  Maybe it is and my pessimism is getting the best of me, but this subject has caused me many a headache in the past.  I have found a few that might work, I just cling to the hope that somewhere out there there is someone who recognizes that there are younger LDS women who have to attend formal events who don't want to look like a frumpy old lady or a tiny-boper Laurel off to prom.  If you know if such a thing exists, please let me know!

Grateful for a Job

There are things I hate about military life, like deployment, but given the economic uncertainty in our country, I am very grateful my spouse has a job.  We have good health insurance, dental, vision, a good home to live in, and the knowledge we have job security.  Flexibility is key to surviving as a military spouse, you have to know plans can always change (my spouse almost got called home early from our honeymoon to deploy 4 weeks early) and there really is no such thing as a sure thing when you are talking about orders, but today, I am very grateful getting laid off isn't something I have to have a contingency plan for.  I am also grateful that military retirement is still a really good deal.  Don't get me wrong, twenty-years is a big chunk of your life, but it also has some good perks at the end.  So for today, I am just thankful.

Commissary - Friend or Foe?

I have this ongoing battle with my spouse regarding the commissary.  Okay, it's not so much a battle as it is a lack of understanding.  I love the commissary, even though I have to tip the baggers (most of whom are old and shouldn't be carrying my groceries) and the stores are less than modern.  My spouse, not so much.   He is not a fan of stores that are feeling their age and he is convinced that prices are the same at stores out in town.  Don't get me wrong, shopping sales, I can get stuff way cheaper than at the commissary, but not every day and not all of the stuff we use.  Last night we ventured to a store out in town and I was shocked at some of the prices.  I seriously was wondering how anyone affords to eat!

My biggest gripe about the commissary (besides the rather aggressive 90 year-old baggers who work only for tips) is the lack of generic products.  I fully recognize that I am paying generic prices for name brand products for the most part, but not always.  And I really appreciate the generic products that the commissary does carry.  

I know the quality of commissaries vary greatly from post to post.  I have been in some on large posts, that are nicer than any store out in town, but we have mostly been stationed at smaller posts with older, smaller facilities.

Do you use the commissary?  Does it save you money?  Does your commissary have very aggressive elderly baggers?  Or are the hassles involved more than you can handle?

Register to Vote!

For those of you who happen to be in California, this is extra-especially important this election.  Believe me, I know it is hard to get motivated to vote in an area where you may only be for a couple of years, you don't know the local politics, and if you are like me, you don't really care who wins for city counsel.  This year those who live in California have the chance to vote on Proposition 8 which is a constitutional amendment that will define marriage as the union of one man and one woman.  Regardless of how adamantly you feel on the topic, our church leaders have stressed the importance of the outcome of this vote.  We can't pretend to understand the potential ramifications if this measure fails, but I believe our leaders do.  For that reason I am encouraging everyone who can vote in California to do so.  Educate yourself on this issue, get registered, and have your voice heard.  For those who don't live in California, register anyway!  This is one of the many freedoms our spouses fight for, it would be tragic to not let our voices be heard.  Remember, there is not enough darkness in all the world, to put out the light of one small candle!

On base...or off?

What have been your housing experiences?  Has anyone in the housing office looked at you like you were crazy when you showed up with four kids?  Do you like living on base or out in town better?  I know for me, I have liked both.  It was nice when we were just married and could share a tiny apartment and pocket some BAH.  But I have also enjoyed the convenience of living on base and the chance to be in a ward with other military members of the church.  For me that is huge.  Having people who can really relate to the situation you are in, both with your spouse's career and spirituality, means a lot to me.  Not that I haven't loved the wards we have lived in where we were it as far as active duty, but there are times, when it is nice to not have to explain acronyms.  Granted, military housing isn't all its cracked up to be a lot of the time.  Some of them aren't well maintained and even though the military has privatized most housing and most private contractors are working to improve things, in some areas they still have a long ways to go.  But out in town places aren't always any better.  In one of our places we had major plumbing issues 2 weeks after my other half deployed.  So it is me, by myself, trying to move furniture out of the water, deal with the landlord and then deal with another two weeks in a hotel (it was okay, but Motel 6 quality, not the Hilton) while they re-plumbed our entire apartment.  Of course I had to clean up after the contractors were finished.  Then I spent the next few months being sure that I was dying from mold growing somewhere in the house.  But I didn't die, and that was the end of the plumbing problems, and for that apartment we were able to save a little money.  So let's hear about it.  I want the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Which do you like better?  Do you like being in a ward that has other military folks in it? Or do you like to do your own thing and go to ward where you aren't just one of the military people who will be gone in a few years?  

How do you do it?

There are many many subjects I could ask this about, because lets face it, you all do this whole crazy military life so much better than I do and I have it pretty easy so far.  But the question for today is how do you do your food storage?  I know we have all been counseled to have some, but lets face it, who wants to move 400 lbs. of wheat and legumes?  And when you get the more exotic, but admittedly more than just a little ways out of the way assignments (like Japan) where storage doesn't come as easily, what do you do?

We have started trying to accumulate at least some and my mother-in-law did some dry pack canning for us at her local cannery (thanks!) for stuff like rice and powdered milk that we will use.  But I am not up for trying to do home canning outside of a little freezer jam (because contrary to what my husband thinks, it really does taste better than Smuckers.)

So ladies (and any guys out there) what do you do?  Do you try to grow a garden?  Do you have a deep freeze?  Have you given up all together? (I'm leaning that direction, although I believe on having enough toilet paper on hand in an emergency!)  So please post comments and let me know your good ideas.

A talk to share with Wards new to military folks

I ran across this Ensign article that was published in 1991.  She gives a lot of decent advice on how Wards can help military families.  If you are in a Ward that is new to the military, it might help them to understand some of our needs.

I can't believe no one else has done this yet!

I was really surprised when I started looking for websites or blogs or other online resources for LDS military spouses that there really weren't any.  I found a MySpace group, but that is a little too public for me.  I don't know about you, but given the nature of my spouse's job, I try to minimize the amount of information that is on-line about us.  

My spouse was talking to the bishop in the ward next door to ours the other day when they ran into each other on base.  The bishop had just started a tour where he was going to have to deploy for the first time since joining the military and he wasn't excited about it.  I thought about his wife and their gaggle of kids, and wondered what support they would get during deployment?  I also thought about how wonderful the church is and what a great social and support network it is, but there are times, like during deployment, when at least I felt a little out of place.  When people would come up to me at church and ask how I was doing, I always felt it was tinged with pity.  "Oh you poor thing, only been married four weeks and your spouse deploys."  

I would attend spouse club events held by our unit, but never felt 100% comfortable there either because much of the socialization revolved around alcohol, and while they were great and amazing people, our lack of shared values made it hard for me to feel like I really had someone I could talk to who really understood everything I was going through.

Hence this blog.  We and our spouses face challenges that many of our Ward members, family members and friends can only imagine.  I know many of you face challenges that would blow me away.  One of the reasons Joseph Smith told the Saints to meet together often was because just by being together, they could support and edify each other and make each other's burden's light.  So please, share your ideas, your triumphs and tragedies.  Regardless of how you feel, there is probably someone else who has gone through something similar and survived.  This is a non-judgemental forum that will reflect LDS standards.